My best friend of 18 years left today... I held her in my arms and told her how much I loved her. She left peacefully. She gave us 18 years of incredible happiness. For me, she was my closest companion and at times I thought she was my soul mate, because she had the ability to give such great comfort.
Her health had been deteriorating for the last year. Many times as I drove to the vet I wondered if "this would be the day" but she hung on. I said, I would know when it was time by the look in her eyes and that's what I saw this morning. She needed my help, she needed to go.
Her quality of life in the last few days was not what I would have wanted for her but I selfishly held out hope that things would turn around even though I knew they wouldn't. I still now struggle with the "what if's". What if tomorrow she was suddenly the dog I used to know. It was just last week that she could still run around and look silly. But today...was almost a week of her barely eating a thing.
As she slept in the vet's office, just seconds before they said she was gone. I had this image of my mother holding her, they both looked in good health and they were heading down a path...to another life. I wispered in her ear to wait for me, I'll be there someday.
For now, our home is incredibly sad. I've been here before, time takes the edge off and memories make you smile but life will never be the same.
17 comments:
Valerie,
My interest in watercolours and painting lead me to your blog but this posting really has moved me.
I could tell you a thousand words of comfort and advice but let me just say that I have been there many times as a vet and once as an owner.
Real love wants the best for the other and is not selfish. Reading your post, I believe you were not selfish, you just wanted and needed her company a little bit longer. After many years of practice, I still believe that the owner is the only person who can interprete the look of a loved dog and tell when they are ready to leave. If you did not do it the week before, or the day before, I am sure it was not the right time yet.
Yes, you will miss her, as I still miss my Flash after 15 years. Time will make things better, and life will not be the same. Let's hope and pray that our canine friends, by sharing their lives with us, have made us better human beings.
Graciela
I send you love and blessings for your loss...
I like your work very much.
rl
Thank you very much...:)
Valerie,
Based on what I read in Flickr, your Blog and your website, I relate to you in many areas, from watercolors to photography to much-loved pets. I, too, have loved and lost in much the same way, and I know how much it hurts & how your life will never be the same. When the time is right and your grieving has lightened, you will find another furry love, and your life will be filled with another warm and unconditional friendship for another 18+ years. You did the right thing for her, and she knew it. You did the unselfish thing, and it hurts like nothing else can -- I am so sorry for your loss.
Linda
I know how you feel, we lost our best friend over a year ago. Yes they do say time heals, and yes we have another dog now, but it's not a replacement, just a new friend who hopefully one day will be a "best friend". Think of the loving memories.
Liz
Hi Valerie,
OK, this is my first visit to your blog and I'm bawling at the kitchen table. That photo tells the whole story. You and your dog were so lucky to be together! It sounds like you had a massive and mighty exchange of souls during your time together. I am about to loose my own best friend: the neighbor's dog. She is old and ugly and smelly. To me she is beautiful and all-knowing. I can't imagine the pain of separation after almost two decades. Wish he a glorious journey now that she is free from her body. "Go in beauty. Peace be with you, till we meet again in the Light."
I'm sorry about your buddy. I don't know what I'll do when mine passes. A grown man will cry no doubt.
Valerie, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there. We had to put our pet hedgehog to sleep a few years ago because he had cancer. He didn't seem to be suffering, and we kept hoping he would somehow not get worse...but the inevitable happened. We still miss him. The vision of your mother and your pal is so beautiful...I want to cry. I know someday you will be reunited.
so sorry for your loss. we had to say goodbye to our 12 year old french bulldog recently. she had a terminal and painful liver disease and very low quality of life for 2 years and we struggled with trying to know when it was time to let her go. In the end you just have to know your heart was in the right place and you made the best decision that anyone could.
I came to see you work, but after your post i could only say:
Valerie, no words could heal you right now... From Colombia a big big hug from Jacobo (my pet dog) and I
feel sorry about your soulmate. i can feel your loss..
Beautiful writing! This made me cry, epecially the sweet picture and saying Life will never be the same.
i didn't make it past the first line of this. and as i tried to read the rest through my tears, i imagined what it would feel like if it was my murphy in this situation. my heart breaks for your loss, and i see that somehow i found this months later. i hope you're feeling better now
your watercolor works is totally amazing... i admire your works.
Your post is exactly how I felt a two months ago. I had to let my dog of 16 years go and I loved her as if she were one of my kids. I have started going through the photos I took of her through the years, and each one brings back so many wonderful memories, even as the tears flow. Your sentiments are so lovely and true. I know I will join my pets and family sometime. God bless.
D
I had a dog..his name was Digger.
I was getting feed for horses and the sign in the feed shop said.. "Free to good home, cattle dog cross kelpie. Will be shot if home not found" He sounded like a "real mans dog"
I went to the place,& there he was...He was "wrong". His legs were too short (really short) and he look weird. What could I do?? I took him home.... He was like a Basset hound.. Loyal, faithful... 14 years together.
I held him as he died, full moon, under our terpentine tree... I thanked him for ou time..... I knew he heard me for real.. then he let go.......
I cry as I write this....# years later...
He rests under a gardenia. He was my best friend...and beautiful a boy
It was 3 years ago this week that I wrote this...I still cry over her. I still love her very much! She was like my child.
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